I decide this is just A Bad Day. We all get them, because grief doesn’t care how many years it’s been.

There is no enough.’ Tarin flicked her indicator on, the clicking noise filling the car as she merged on to the motorway. ‘You seem to be forgetting that she’s in a clinical facility getting professional help. Which is great, obviously. Let them worry about how to deal with depression. You’re going to visit your friend, remember? Yes, she’s a patient, but she’s not your patient. So for God’s sake, don’t treat her like one.

And then it happens. The panic. It’s slow at first, creeping through the cracks in my thoughts until everything starts to feel heavy. It builds; it becomes something physical that clutches at my insides and squeezes out the air and the blood.

People talk about friendship like it’s only about shared loves, but it’s not. It’s also about finding the same things annoying and getting excited about the same silly, irrelevant things. It’s the person you can share a joke with, sure. But it’s also the person you can subtly roll your eyes at when someone else is talking too loudly. The person who makes the fun things better and the boring things more bearable. That’s Bonnie for me.

Someone like you is brilliant and amazing,′ I said. ‘Why can’t you see that in yourself?’ The unfairness of it was starting to sink in. If she could only see herself like I did, there wouldn’t be a problem. But she didn’t, and she never would, and that was so many levels of wrong and unfair I almost couldn’t comprehend it.

Even when you see it coming, there’s no avoiding the inevitable.

See how small it is, Eden?′ he said. ‘You remember that, if life ever feels too much. It’s all so very small.

Here are three separate but similar things: shyness, introversion and social anxiety. You can have one, two or all three of these things simultaneously. A lot of the time people thing they’re all the same thing, but that’s just not true. Extroverts can be shy, introverts can be bold, and a condition like anxiety can strike whatever kind of social animal you are.

With lightning, you’re never really sure if that’s what it was; it’s just a flash. Thunder, you know. You feel it.

Doesn’t she know? Doesn’t she get it? That in anxious heads like mine all it takes is a few words to bring a careful foundation tumbling down?